you can never escape the feeling of hollow after trying to find an alternate form of reality.
a place where the smile on your face is honest, and heartfelt. not a Halloween mask put on for the festivities. a place that allows you to appreciate every single body part you’ve been given by having it send shocks of electrobliss into the air your soul permeates.
the things we want most, are the things that’ll ruin us.
your mind in unclear of some of the things that took place, and all you remember is the music vibrating from your feet to your heart. you remember the stop lights, the frosty air that hit your skin like pins & needles…your heart..beating faster than usual.
it was a very sinful thing i did. indulgence, desire, pleasure. although others wouldn’t have felt that way, i know i shouldn’t have done it.
without him, at least.
it’s our special remedy. i had gotten it so we could enjoy it together. because beneath the fighting, the tears, the yelling, the silent scoffs, there is a love so deep that heals all of our wounds. although, it takes time to heal…the remedy helps remind us that we are deeper than that. deeper and fuller than the surface of all things that society has made us out to be.
but i completely ruined it by indulging in it without him.
next time though, he’ll get a chance to indulge with it and i will not stand there in jealousy. i’ll be there to comfort him as the winds of truth flow through his lungs.
it’s the remedy of a lifetime, but that’s why it has the power to kill you.
Addiction. Pleasure. Desire. Want. Need. Crave.
and when it’s all over? was it really worth it?
you pay the price. slowly but surely, you return to your normal state.
for now, i live within the hollowness of my own mind.
"When you say you love me, know, I love you more. When you say you need me, know, I need you more. Boy, I adore you."
i’m what you need, what you need, what you need.